remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
