you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
