Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
