Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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