he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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