i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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