is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
