Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
