There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
