i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
