I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
