dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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