This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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