Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
