Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
