I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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