next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
