I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
