you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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