dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
