a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
