ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
