How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
