Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
