That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
