after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Less talking, more tequila
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
