he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
