Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
