I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Its about making memories worth repressing
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
