You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
