You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
NoShamevember. You game?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
