Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
