If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
