is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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