Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
