In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
