Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
This baby is an asshole
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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