at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We need to get me chipped asap
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
