is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
