ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
