Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
