If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You were trust falling into bushes
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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