I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
