i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
