its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
youre lurking in front of me
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
