I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
FUCK WHALES
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
