theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
