You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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