dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
