don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
