So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
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