oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
