dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
