gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
