haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
