The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
